I’d be lying if I said I never felt the burden of producing. Almost all of that burden is self-imposed. I’m always trying to be better than the person I was yesterday. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, my self-assessment is tied to what I do as opposed to who I am. And that’s a shame.
I suspect that a lot of the pressure I put on myself to produce is (at least tangentially) related to religious ideas I’ve either intuited or heard presented explicitly. I’ve learned that I’m a “wretched worm” deserving of the full wrath of God, and that I’ve been spared that wrath only because God was kind and merciful enough to direct it at “himself”/“His Son” instead of me. When divine kindness is presented as self-directed wrath, we can end up being unkind to ourselves.
But what if that isn’t actually true? What if divine wrath is not actually directed at people, but at actions, conduct, ethics, and systems? What if God was actually pleased by people? What if God loved people enough to show them another way of relating to each other? A way that did not elicit divine wrath? What if God was willing to endure the wrath of people in order to show them that way?
What if we’re actually deserving of the love of God, and not the hatred of God disguised as wrath? Not because of what we do. I don’t think there’s anything we can do to deserve that. But because of who we are. Because of who God is. Because we were made in the image of God. What if we learned to see ourselves as God did?
When I sit with these thoughts, I grow less overwhelmed with the burden of production. I still need to get things done, but I realize that my value isn’t actually in what I do. It’s always been tied to who I am. I’m a regular dude who just happens to be made in the image of God. And that’s exciting.
I don’t think God creates for the sake of impressing us. I think God creates because that’s the very nature of God. I imagine that seeing divine produce brings God joy. Us viewing the reality of creation as impressive is probably coincidental. I don’t think God views God’s own worth as tied to producing. I think God’s worth is tied to the essence of God. And, if there’s any truth at all to my hypothesis, there may be something sacred in trying to see ourselves as God does.
Free of the burden of production, I can see myself as one with the power of dreaming and creating. Not for the sake of impressing other people. But because dreaming and creating is in my very nature as one created in the image of God.
Sometimes, Three Black Men, New Living Treyslation, and The Son Do Move feel like work. Theologizin’ Bigger isn’t even three months old yet, and the pressure to put out the next book is already mounting. And I still work a day job and go home to a family, where people expect me to do more things.
But, when I remember that none of this defines who I am, these things don’t seem like burdens anymore. They seem like opportunities. Opportunities to dream of new possibilities. Opportunities to create new windows for people to peep through and experience the fullness of God and the abundant life set before us. Opportunities to go where hope leads me.
When I try to see myself how God does, production seems less like a burden and more like recreation. An opportunity to re-create.
And that’s worth getting excited about.
These are helpful words for a stressed pastor, thanks, Trey.
As someone teetering on the verge of burnout, this substack hit hard. You describe the tension I try to articulate between different aspects of my job, and how the creative aspects are work, but they fill my cup. When these opportunities get pushed aside to make room for the less creative aspects, burn out feels closer.